Journey


Dear Reader,

Last summer I got diagnosed with Autism before my 29th birthday. And it was confirmed after my 29th birthday. I had Autism Spectrum Disorder Level 1. (Story for why I got two professionals to diagnosis me will be told another time.) Having it confirmed after my 29th birthday was a relief. There was a reason for my social blindness, my ability to mess up simple communication, my tics I hid and my rigidness in routine. I wasn’t a freak! Or a loser! I was just different. My neurological wiring was different. Is different!

And that relief lasted 5 minutes. Then a health professional made a comment, and I don’t think they had bad intentions. But this someone didn’t agree with the diagnosis TWO professionals had given me. And they said maybe I had mild Autism but they didn’t see a reason for an official diagnosis.

And I was shattered once again and rejected. Ashamed of my Autism. My husband was supportive while I processed my diagnosis for several months

Then in March I finally told my mom and sister separately. And they both had to process what I was saying. But once I described the symptoms of ASD level 1 they accepted the diagnosis. Having autism explained a lot of my behavior in childhood. I then told my dad in April and he kind of acted like it was a bad thing. Probably because there is a chance my daughter also has Autism. Currently she’s getting occupational therapy for Sensory Processing Disorder, which is a neurological condition she will deal with for the rest of her life. I also ended up telling one of my best friends that I have Autism. And she was very accepting and I don’t know why I didn’t tell her first! I had this irrational fear that she would stop being my friend. But I realized the people who really care about me won’t mind that I’m Autistic.

My little and me

Now I just want to accept who I am. I’ve always been autistic even though I didn’t know it. Being autistic has shaped my weaknesses and my STRENGTHS. My wiring has affected how I view and interact with the world. This isn’t bad or good it’s just my wiring. I want people to know the real me. I want to stop pretending to be a neurotypical person. Trying so hard to fit in has ruined my self-esteem. I’m on a journey to better understand and accept myself and to be true to myself.

This blog is going to be my journey of embracing the real me. And I hope I can help someone else who has been diagnosed with Autism as an adult, especially other adult women. Girls and women are very under-diagnosed compared to boys and men. We’re being missed it’s hurting our development and potential. But all are welcome here even if you’re not a woman with Autism. I hope you can benefit from my blog in someway. I hope to hear from others on the spectrum especially others who were diagnosed as adults. And if you just know someone on the spectrum or are curious about ASD you are welcome here. As someone who’s been bullied in person and online I want to create a safe place.

Please follow me along on my journey. Hopefully we can learn from each other. I expect this journey to be Awesome with Some Difficulties!

Sincerely,

Deanna Javier

Published by deannajv

I'm autistic. I'm also married and have a daughter. I graduated with a bachelor's degree in Family Studies and Human Services.

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1 Comment

  1. Deanna, your blog will soon be added to our Actually Autistic Blogs List (anautismobserver.wordpress.com). Please click on the “How do you want your blog listed?” link at the top of that site to customize your blog’s description on the list (or to decline).
    Thank you.
    Judy (An Autism Observer)

    Liked by 1 person

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