I’ve had a stressful and hectic summer. I feel so frazzled and am trying to get back into some sort of routine. I do best on a routine. Having a routine keeps me grounded. I’m trying to not let things upset me but it’s hard when you feel like life is throwing a lot of lemons. And what’s that saying if life gives you lemons make lemonade. Well I can’t even drink lemonade because it flares up my bladder disease! I’m still trying to get my illness under control. Anyways my autistic brain is just freaking out and going a million miles an hour. I’m telling myself to calm down but then my brain has to go over everything wrong with life And the biggest thing on my mind is the state of the country I live in, the U.S.

Yes I’m aware things could be worse but right now things are going down hill. And it’s spiking up my anxiety! Any autistic people out there who also get way to anxious over current political climate of your country? The weekend of August the 3rd there were two mass shootings in the U.S. Both shootings were horrific but the one in El Paso terrified me. The shooter in El Paso was targeting immigrants specifically Mexican immigrants. As a U.S. born citizen of Mexican immigrant parents I felt ill when I heard the shooters motive. I am now afraid of being targeted by a shooter when I go out in public. Or being a victim of any sort of hate crime. I’ve had people say ugly things to me because I’m Mexican American and I’ve dealt with racism from schools to store employees. But I never worried about being physically attacked until recently. I’m scared for my daughter also. She’s multi-racial and has a multi-ethnic background. How will people treat her as she gets older?

Anyways I’m trying not to let the stress and fear get to me. There are things I need to do like take care of my daughter and home. And I really want to focus on blogging and I am trying to get a job as a book reviewer and work from home. If I got the job I wouldn’t make very much money but it would be nice to earn money again. And I want to do something about the lack of gun control in this country. I do plan on writing a more detailed post about the shootings in early August. Yes I know it has nothing to do with autism but I feel the need to do what I can about making a change in the U.S. Yeah I know there’s a chance my little post could make a difference but I should at least try to make positive change. If I let stress get to me then I freeze.

I can’t let stress and fear immobilize me. Years ago I learned a lesson about life from a co-worker. Another co-worker had just experienced something horrific. And I told my co-worker if I had gone through the same thing I don’t think I would be able to go on with life. My co-worker told me no matter what a person goes through, life goes on and you have to get up the next day and keep going. And she wasn’t saying it to be mean, she was just telling me about the reality of life. I said, yeah I guess you’re right. Then I told her, it’s so sad. And she said, yes it is. And we talked a little more and I can’t remember the rest of the conversation. But I remember realizing it’s okay to be sad but you can’t give up on life just because something terrible happened. And afterwards life sent plenty of opportunities for me to experience the pain and learning how to move on. To be honest the past 20 almost 21 months have really tested me. It seems to be one crisis after another. And I’m just trying to stay afloat. And hopefully one day I’ll be able to ride the waves of life and be okay.

Published by deannajv

I'm autistic. I'm also married and have a daughter. I graduated with a bachelor's degree in Family Studies and Human Services.

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