Working and worries

I’m excited to announce that I’ve started doing reviews for onlinebookclub.org. My reviews have only been published on the volunteer review forums but I’m hope in a couple months I’ll be good enough to be published in the official reviews section. I don’t make much money it’s just a nice way to make extra pocket money. For me it’s about getting a chance to get paid to read and build up my professional writing experiences. I’m pleased with how my first paid reviewed turned out. I was worried after my first test review I wouldn’t get to do another review. My first review was done under the stress of dealing with the aftermath of my home flooding twice in one weekend. And I felt it wasn’t my best work. I was given lots of notes on how to improve in the future. And amazingly was given a chance to do another review! I’m looking forward to doing my 3rd review. My second review is on the book The Cult Next Door: A Manhattan Memoir by Elizabeth R. Burchard and Judith L. Carlone. You can read it here: https://forums.onlinebookclub.org/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=120659

I couldn’t put this book down!

Also the online book club has a pretty cool community of online reviewers aka book lovers. I’m trying to get comfortable to write in the community forums but for some reason I get so anxious about it. It sounds silly but I’m afraid of making social mistakes since I’m bad at missing social cues online (I’m not great at doing it in person either)! Blogging does give me a little bit of anxiety but I have a chance to write a draft of my post and edit it. I still have a hard time getting over my desire of everyone liking me.

Hopefully I can get over the need to please people. I need to toughen up a bit because I am now searching for freelance work. And there’s always a chance of rejection. I’m going to stay positive and keep moving onward even if I get some rejections. I’m excited that I’ve finally decided to pursue freelance writing and can’t wait for this next phase of my life! And I’m incredibly grateful for my husband because without him I wouldn’t have the ability to pursue this career dream of mines.

***

In the parenting aspect of my life I do have lots of worries. My daughter has sensory processing disorder and we are now on the wait list for her to get evaluated for autism at a local children’s hospital. I’m excited but the downside is we have to wait 4-6 months until they will see us. On the bright side we will get seen right before she starts kindergarten. I’m just worried I don’t have the proper tools to help her deal with her sensory issues and anxieties. I remember the things I dealt with as a child and how bad my parents made me feel. To be fair they didn’t know I was autistic and they were too young to have kids. But it still doesn’t undo the damage they did to my self-esteem and my ability to calm myself in a healthy way. My daughter has been having a hard time adjusting to the move. She has been going from feeling excited about the new features of our home to asking if we can move back to our old apartment. It’s emotionally painful for me to see her so sad so I hope my support is enough. I try to keep my facial expression neutral but I think she picks up the pain I feel for her.

Today my daughter is on her first field trip. The students at her school our going to a cider mill to learn how apple cider is made. She just couldn’t stop talking about it last night. I can’t wait to hear about her trip. I do feel guilt for not having the ability to be a chaperone for this field trip. But then after she left I was dealing with crippling stomach pain that left me barely able to stand. It wouldn’t be fair for me to go and basically have the teachers and other parents babysit me because I can barely move. My kid did seem a little sad I couldn’t go on the trip like some of the other parents. I’m hoping the next field trip I’ll have my health issues under control and can chaperon.

If you’re an autistic adult how do you deal with the anxiety of searching for a new job? How do you deal with the anxieties of starting a new job and working with new people?

Autistic and non-autistic parents how do you deal with feelings of failing or disappointing your kid? How do you handle those anxieties?

That’s all for today. I wish you all a good day!

Published by deannajv

I'm autistic. I'm also married and have a daughter. I graduated with a bachelor's degree in Family Studies and Human Services.

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1 Comment

  1. Hope the kid finds a connection with a chaperone or a teacher or a kid.

    These are opportunities to expand horizons for everyone.

    Like

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